StarWarsClassics

  What the fuck is wrong with his face? I like that it gets Hoth out of the way early. You have to put it in every game from this period. It's interesting how similar (annoying) the tow cable mechanic is to the one in Rogue Squadron a few years later. Overall, not a great game today, but you had less about 10 choices for the holiday season in '96 if you wanted to give your kid a Nintendo Sixty FOUURRRR AAAHHHHH (He's uglier than the droid) So, Shadows of The Empire : 1. Cool idea to do this big transmedia project, especially centered on a book. 2. Almost everything about it was bad! 3. The comic is the definitive version. Ties into the rest of the EU well, focuses on the more interesting parts of the story. It's amazing how much of a difference putting someone actually invested in the universe on it makes.

 Let's whip some llama ass and do this from Archive.org instead of Youtube. https://archive.org/details/StarWarsShadows?webamp=default 1. Main Theme from Star Wars - Leia's Nightmare : Yep, that's the main theme alright. (These speakers suck, I might regret this.) And then a bit of a generic medley afterwards. 2. The Battle of Gall : McNeely does a great job of evoking a John Williams feel here. It opens with some "Droids on Tatooine in ANH ", before transitioning into a bit of droid-army. Kind of impressive since this is three years before  TPM . Not sure about an 8 minute track on a 10 track -- 50 minute album. (More than half the total length comes from this and 2 other tracks.) 3. Imperial City : At this point, besides the movie Imperial March and Emperor themes, there's also all several video game tracks for Coruscant. This sounds like none of them. Besides some vocal sections, there's a string part that's way to upbeat. This is really more of a ...

 https://www.tcdb.com/Checklist.cfm/sid/72997/1996-Topps-Star-Wars-Shadows-of-the-Empire The make it sound better written than it is.

  I don't think I had any of the full size figures, but a few of the MicroMachines look familiar. The MicroMachines were really where it was at for me as 90s Star Wars kid. https://www.rebelscum.com/SOTE.asp I would just like to reiterate that it is insane that they put out that absolute pile of slop novel and built this whole merch line around it. Honestly, I always thought of the video game as the "flagship" product. It's the one that focuses on Dash the most, and he's then new character.

 It's really more of a clunky abridgement. The raping is gone, of course. But you still get stuff like, "Artoo-Detoo  moved  closer,  extruded an  interface  and  plugged  into  the  other  R2  unit." Which is neither a reasonable use of the word extruded, or junior-novel vocab. Marginally better since it's shorter!

 I do remember reading this one. Not sure it was when I was a kid and it was new. Probably back in my 20s? I bought a lot of trades when I worked at Barnes and Noble. Off the bat, it benefits substantially by not being written by Perry. John Wagner gives Boba Fett and the bounty hunters more time to shine and, while keeping a lot of the dialogue, tones down Xizor to normal megalomaniacal bad guy ego levels, instead of making him sound like a douche-bag fortune cookie. He also adds another original character, "Jix" who works for Vader. Having a secondary antagonist to actually interacts with most of the cast helps things considerably.  A lot of the events are adapted from the  Tales of...  series, showing the bounty hunters competing to get Han to Jabba. If the goal was to show more seedy-underbelly-type stuff, framing the story around Fett and the other hunters makes a lot of sense. This is in the period where a lot of the EU authors are trying to rehabilitate Fett i...

This book is so bad that Blogger is losing my edits. Wookiepedia link: https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Star_Wars:_Shadows_of_the_Empire_(novel) Cover: Summary: Prince Xizor is a super badass and he's going to rape Leia and kill Luke and make the Emperor like him more than Darth Vader. Dash Rendar exists. New Stuff: Prince Xizor (and the Falleen): Lizardish people. Xizor is such a fucking badass. He's like, a 12th degree black belt and as smart as Thrawn. And he's horny and he can roofie you from across the room with his musk. The Black Sun: The always very dangerous (but never very effective) mafia of Star Wars Dash Rendar: Despite having Lando available, we need another scoundrel... Summary:  Prince Xizor is very badass and very horny. He's going to kill Luke, rape Leia, and make the Emperor like him more than Vader! (Spoilers, none of these things happen.) Commentary:  This one was really disappointing. I was vaguely aware of the main plot points from the video games...

 My wife shared a post with me that was something along the lines of: If you were paid a million dollars to watch a movie 100 times in 40 days. The internet all wants to do some bullshit and watch Kung Fury or something. "What's the shortest film you can pedantically argue is feature film?" is a different (and way less interesting) question. To make it more fair/interesting, I proposed the following rules: 1. Minimum runtime over 60 minutes. That seems like a safe baseline for "real movie" vs whatever bullshit short you pulled out of your ass. 2. Two out of the three below requirements A. 90 minute runtime B. Super majority must be devoted to a single, complete story. C. Must have been officially released as a stand alone "feature film" or similar. Which work together to ensure: 1. You don't just pick 2 or 3 episodes of your favorite TV show and somehow count them as a "movie" (but you could watch a pilot or something). 2. Aren't ent...

 X-Wing (Book 2): Wedge's Gamble by Michael Stackpole (1996) Should've been Wedge's Gambit, and you'll never change my mind. Summary: Rogue Squadron gets snuck onto Coruscant to prepare things for the invasion. Isaard seeds the planet with a   plague that will only affect aliens. What it introduce s: Asyr Sei'lar: First (actually developed character) non - shitty Bothan in the EU? Inyri Forge: Lujayne's sister, who is a good pilot for no explained reason.   Fliry Vorru: Ex-Moff, then Black Sun. Current minor villain. Zekka Thyne: Asshole, Black Sun, even more minor villain. Virar Needa:  That  Captain Needa's cousin. Summary: Rogue Squadron is undercover on Coruscant. Their main job is figuring out a way to take down the planetary shields for Ackbar and the fleet, but they also generally sow some chaos (with the help of some ex-Black Sun they recruit in the early part of the book). Tycho gets framed some more (Corran is very convinced he's the traitor)...

 X-Wing (Book 1): Rogue Squadron by Michael Stackpole (1996) These covers are such an upgrade. Summary: Wedge recruits a bunch of new hotshots to kick ass. This is technically a prequel most of the rest of the EU . (Except the comics. I'll get around to those at some point.) What it introduces: All the Rogue Squadron Characters (copied from the Dramatis Personae at the start of the book): CAPTAIN TYCHO CELCHU (human male from Alderaan): Retconned into Return of the Jedi . Maybe a double agent? LIEUTENANT CORRAN HORN (human male from Corellia): Totally not obviously a Jedi by the end of chapter 18. OORYL QRYGG (Gand male from Gand): One of the better examples of writing a "vaguely weird alien" buddy. Not yet badass enough for pronouns. NAWARA VEN (Twi’lek male from Ryloth): The galaxy's most badass lawyer. RHYSATI YNR (human female from Bespin): The friendly one? Not a ton of characterization yet. BROR JACE (human male from Thyferra): The asshole. Totally dead at the e...

 I think I've written before about the circular flow chart of Battletech, Star Wars, X-Wing, and Michael Stackpole. One of the points of contention in the original Battletech books (I haven't read any of the newer ones) is how action light they are. For the "core" books that actually advance the storyline, you tend to get 1 or 2 big (stand up 'mech fight) and maybe 3 or 4 (bar fight, near assassination, etc.) scenes in a book. There are individual books or sub series that go heavier, but that's the broad trend. The short scenes are often only a couple pages, and even the long ones rarely run into the double digits (and that's often with other stuff breaking them up). I mathed it out back in high school and they often come in at 15% or so of the whole book (30-40 pages in a 350ish page mass market.) Even after accounting for front and back matter, getting up to 30% would qualify as an action heavy book. Instead, as the Amazon reviews liked to complain about...

 The conventional wisdom in the EU is that Wedge Antilles is the only pilot to survive both Death Star runs. Luke is ON the DS2, and Han and Chewie are on the moon. In ANH, we see 4 ships leave. Luke and Wedge's X-Wings, the Falcon, and one Y-Wing. The consensus appears to be that Keyan Farlander (ironically from the X-Wing game) is the Y-Wing pilot. I thought that the "only man to survive both runs" line was from the first X-Wing book (which I read most of on a plane tonight) but the closest I can find is, "Commander Antilles might have gotten them all himself, but then he’s got two Death Stars painted on the side of his X-wing." More to come, I guess? There's also some guy in a prototype A-Wing who sometimes gets listed. This feels kind of bullshit to me.

 I'll do a larger Dark Forces  write up at some point. But I grabbed Nightdive's remaster on sale today and shot through the Avenger mission. Short version  Avenger  is one of the Death Squadron (Vader's personal fleet) Star Destroyers that pursues the Falcon  in ESB  (the one it attaches to, in fact). In this cut level, it has a copy of (at least part of the) the Death Star  plans. Kyle Katarn sneaks aboard and steals them. The level was originally used as a demo at trade shows and was going to be the first level of the game. It was cut for being too complicated/difficult for a first level. The replacement "Secret Base" level (and later Executor ) borrows some elements, but is definitely simpler (not counting the secrets). Overall, a good move, I think. As a tech demo, it does a decent job. Shows off the 3d, some light puzzle/platforming that you couldn't have done in Doom , etc. I'd have like to have seen them slide some Gands in, not only to break u...

  Tales of the Bounty Hunters Looks like the banner for a trading card set. IG-88: Therefore I Am by Keven J. Anderson: 4/5 Strong start. One of the best of Anderson's Star Wars  contributions. IG-88 is a droid that uploads its programming into 4 identical droids. They become fairly successful bounty hunters, take over Mechis III (the same planet the Thul family is in charge of in YJKs), and eventually uploads itself into the second Death Star. They all get blown up between that, Boba Fett, and Dash Rendar. Dengar: Payback by Dave Wolverton: 2/5 This is a good story, but not a good Star Wars story. Too much that doesn't really line up with the rest of the universe, like Dengar's bounty hunting customs (giving his target a blaster). The romantic subplot could probably work with a bit more development. Dengar's a cyborg who had most of his emotions surgically removed, but he brain links with a tech-telepath dancer. Bossk: The Prize Pelt by Kathy Tyers: 3/5 Tyers is a cons...

Crystal Star 2   The New Rebellion This was fucking stupid. This is the book everyone thinks Crystal Star is. Some Darth Vader cosplaying loser (he was a student at Luke's academy. No, he's never shown up before.) is turning droids into bombs. Every time he kills someone he gets more powerful, soon he will be more powerful than Luke! (Somehow, this didn't work for the Emperor/Vader.) Brakiss is back, because... dunno? She needed an extra dark Jedi to dump exposition and pad the book another hundred pages. Speaking of padding, there's an entire Han Solo/Lando plot that makes no sense and I couldn't even tell you what happens in it. I think they fight hippo dragons? Yeah, there's a lot of random aliens in this book that aren't very well described. Most of them never show up again. It's 1996, there are enough aliens you can get by without making up shitty ones, but whatever. Wedge shows up! He's an idiot. Leia is useless. (Rusch claims that the male aut...

 Tyrant's Test Three plots wasn't enough, let's get Chewie and Lumpy in here too! Summary: Leia ducks a no confidence motion by declaring war. Luke finds out his whole mom finding quest was bullshit. Han gets beaten up and tortured. Lando makes it home. The good guys win! Commentary/Review: I don't know how the hell Kube-McDowell got a three book deal out of this mess. As previously established, this trilogy broadly follows three main plots: 1. Luke meeting with the Fallanassi and trying to find his mother. 2. Han and Leia dealing with the political and military issue of the Yevetha. 3. Lando being stuck on "The Vagabond" There are a couple other plots that pop in and out throughout the series. Book 2 has a substantial amount of page space dedicated to Plat Mallar, a survivor of the Yevetha attacks and New Republic pilot. He's in this one a bit, but he has to share the "extra" space w/ Lumpy, Chewie, and some other Wookies, along with archeologis...

  Shield of Lies Not sure why Leia is in Endor mode here. Summary: Lando wanders around on The Derelict some more. They kind of figure out how it works. C-3PO gets damages and R2 is mad at him. (Jealous/protective R2 is a good touch.) Luke wanders around the galaxy with Akanah. They sort of do philosophy. It's kind of awkward since they're together and nominally doing the same thing, but both trying to sneak around each other (but not very interestingly). Leia almost gets impeached! Plat Mallar, the lone survivor of one of the Yvethan attacks becomes a pilot with Ackbar's help. The New Republic almost fights the Yvethan, but backs out when they use hostages. Han gets kidnapped again... I don't think anything super impactful gets introduced here. On the whole, this series only tangentially intersects with the rest of the EU, and we've got some serious second book syndrome. Commentary: Somehow, Kube-McDowell organizes the three books in this trilogy in three different...

Before the Storm How do I write these again? After whining about kid's books for a couple months, back to trying to do these properly. I'm not sure if Black Fleet Crisis can actually sustain a blog entry each, but I wanted to do one so here we go. Summary: Leia is doing negotiations with obvious bad guys. (They have a secret Imperial fleet.) Lando chases after some weird alien space ship. Luke goes to try to find his mom since Padme doesn't exist yet. Introduced: The Yevetha: They kinda look like the Tarkata from Mortal Kombat . They can learn super quick and manage to steal a fleet from the Empire. They're negotiating with Leia, but not really cause conspiracy? They drive "thrust ships" which look kind of like Battletech  dropships.  "The Vagabond": A giant space ship that talks in DNA. The White Current and The Fallanassi: I think this is our first "they do The Force different", save for a little stuff way back in Splinter of The Mind...

 Very excited to do the whole Shadows mini-franchise, and I get to read the physical book! Also got Truce at Bakura.

 Remember how I said this book would probably be about Anja getting over her addiction? And how they like to name these books after a planet, and then spend most of the book not there? Crystal Reef is a resort under the Calimari polar ice caps. At best, a third of the book is there. Anja does get over her addiction, but it's basically two scenes and not very interesting. I'M FINALLY DONE WITH THIS SHIT! Possible next posts: 1. Non-book catch up. There's a lot of video games and RPG books to cover (and probably some other stuff I'm missing.) 2. Black Fleet Crisis. This is the next trilogy. 3. X-Wing Rogue Squadron: This is the next larger series (5 books released over about 3 years). And I know I actually like them. Part of me wants to dive in, part of me wants to save them.