StarWarsClassics

 https://www.tcdb.com/Checklist.cfm/sid/72997/1996-Topps-Star-Wars-Shadows-of-the-Empire The make it sound better written than it is.

  I don't think I had any of the full size figures, but a few of the MicroMachines look familiar. The MicroMachines were really where it was at for me as 90s Star Wars kid. https://www.rebelscum.com/SOTE.asp I would just like to reiterate that it is insane that they put out that absolute pile of slop novel and built this whole merch line around it. Honestly, I always thought of the video game as the "flagship" product. It's the one that focuses on Dash the most, and he's then new character.

 It's really more of a clunky abridgement. The raping is gone, of course. But you still get stuff like, "Artoo-Detoo  moved  closer,  extruded an  interface  and  plugged  into  the  other  R2  unit." Which is neither a reasonable use of the word extruded, or junior-novel vocab. Marginally better since it's shorter!

 I do remember reading this one. Not sure it was when I was a kid and it was new. Probably back in my 20s? I bought a lot of trades when I worked at Barnes and Noble. Off the bat, it benefits substantially by not being written by Perry. John Wagner gives Boba Fett and the bounty hunters more time to shine and, while keeping a lot of the dialogue, tones down Xizor to normal megalomaniacal bad guy ego levels, instead of making him sound like a douche-bag fortune cookie. He also adds another original character, "Jix" who works for Vader. Having a secondary antagonist to actually interacts with most of the cast helps things considerably.  A lot of the events are adapted from the  Tales of...  series, showing the bounty hunters competing to get Han to Jabba. If the goal was to show more seedy-underbelly-type stuff, framing the story around Fett and the other hunters makes a lot of sense. This is in the period where a lot of the EU authors are trying to rehabilitate Fett i...

This book is so bad that Blogger is losing my edits. Wookiepedia link: https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Star_Wars:_Shadows_of_the_Empire_(novel) Cover: Summary: Prince Xizor is a super badass and he's going to rape Leia and kill Luke and make the Emperor like him more than Darth Vader. Dash Rendar exists. New Stuff: Prince Xizor (and the Falleen): Lizardish people. Xizor is such a fucking badass. He's like, a 12th degree black belt and as smart as Thrawn. And he's horny and he can roofie you from across the room with his musk. The Black Sun: The always very dangerous (but never very effective) mafia of Star Wars Dash Rendar: Despite having Lando available, we need another scoundrel... Summary:  Prince Xizor is very badass and very horny. He's going to kill Luke, rape Leia, and make the Emperor like him more than Vader! (Spoilers, none of these things happen.) Commentary:  This one was really disappointing. I was vaguely aware of the main plot points from the video games...

 My wife shared a post with me that was something along the lines of: If you were paid a million dollars to watch a movie 100 times in 40 days. The internet all wants to do some bullshit and watch Kung Fury or something. "What's the shortest film you can pedantically argue is feature film?" is a different (and way less interesting) question. To make it more fair/interesting, I proposed the following rules: 1. Minimum runtime over 60 minutes. That seems like a safe baseline for "real movie" vs whatever bullshit short you pulled out of your ass. 2. Two out of the three below requirements A. 90 minute runtime B. Super majority must be devoted to a single, complete story. C. Must have been officially released as a stand alone "feature film" or similar. Which work together to ensure: 1. You don't just pick 2 or 3 episodes of your favorite TV show and somehow count them as a "movie" (but you could watch a pilot or something). 2. Aren't ent...