THE WORSE BOOK I HAVE EVER READ (Planet of Twilight) by Barbara Hambly (1997)

Not doing the cover, not doing the Wookiepedia page, not doing the normal format at all, because this book is absolute trash. I have read actual MFA theses that were better than this. By comparison Twilight is a Masterpiece and 50 Shades is complex emotional drama. Whatever your least favorite book is, you can safely move it to number two.  All the usual criticisms apply. The plot makes no sense, no one is in character, edits weren't done. It's like someone did the terrible vampire fanfic thing for Star Wars. My Immortal was better. Also, why does this book even exist? It was published two years after the other two in the sequence. Were there that many people looking for "closure" (you never get it, she just wanders off at the end) on Callista?

Instead, here's a teardown of chapter 2. It's not particularly worse than any of the others, its just the one I stopped taking notes after, when it became obvious this would somehow be even worse than Children of the Jedi.

“Good luck, Master Luke,” said Threepio. He hesitated a moment, then added, “Given an estimated population of less than one million humans, and no indigenous life forms on Nam Chorios, chances of locating Lady Callista within a standard year should be well within the seventeenth percentile.”

Instead of just letting her die with "dignity" in the last book, Luke still has to go find Callista. And he's within the 17th percentile of doing it! That's not what percentiles do, but Hambly writes with a thesaurus in one hand, rubbing alcohol in the other, and her toes on the keyboard, so it's what we get. Also, yet another planet with a population smaller than Dallas (thanks, Wikipedia!), but that's hardly unique to Hambly. 

"It had been a year already, since the Knight Hammer had plunged blazing into the atmosphere of Yavin 4."

This never happened, was only a book ago, and doesn't even make sense. Hambly isn't even some random ghost writer, she's a "real" writer and Star Wars fan.

Luke then flies a B-Wing. The phrase "size of a B-Wing" and close variants there of will appear repeatedly. Why is he in a B-Wing instead of an X-wing? Why does Hambly use such an awkward construction? Why does this book exist?

There are gun stations (which aren't space stations) because there's a quarantine established by sentient Force-rock microchips to trap the vampire bugs, and used by the underdeveloped political faction that wants the planet they're on to stay isolated. I tried to make that sound dumb and it's still better than it is in a book.

Blah, blah, Luke "needs" Callista, because after 13 years he's possibly less mature than he is at the beginning of A New Hope. 

Leia leans on an "airfoil" because Hambly couldn't write wing.

Oh, the Noghri exist again. They're worthless and Leia gets kidnapped, but they do exist for a couple sentences all the same. 

Leia has kept a randomly talking advertisement holocube on her desk for... we don't know. Days, weeks? She has an awkward/sarcastic parenthetical internal monologue, that Hambly thankfully forgets exists by the end of the book. 

(Hadn’t these people ever heard of magnetic flux disruptors?).

 (Italics AND Parenthesis original.) Hadn't they indeed?

   I can't decide on how much shit I want to give Hambly for writing the most clueless Threepio ever. On the one hand, she's pretty true to his movie characterization. On the other, the protocol droid that can't read facial expressions routine has never made any sense, and is pretty awful

∅/5, and my God have mercy on your soul if you read it.

Next up, probably Junior Jedi Knights. I need a break, and they're pretty well written for kids books, from what I remember.